I don’t recognise myself anymore.


(Image via Pinterest)

Ever since I saw Joan Smalls modelling a pair of New Balance trainers like trainers have never been styled before back in Vogue UK’s November 2012 issue, they found a new and very welcome place in my sartorial heart. Trust Vogue to instill me with a notion of immediate wardrobe requirements which evolves into an obsessive personal micro-climate. I laugh in the face of ‘sold out’ and continue on my way, ambling from random trainer shopping websites to the manufacturer themselves. SOLD OUT. Ok. Um….actually, those ones that are sold out aren’t the ones I’d like. I’d like some in grey or blue please. Sorry, lady, but your feet need to be like planks if you want those colours because, my fashion-victim friend (by the way, this is the devil on my shoulder talking to me – forgive the random adoption of third person mid-sentence) those shoes you’re sniffing out like a fashion hound are for men. Right. So where next on my hunt? Into Schuh, where, metaphorically-speaking, I drag a poor salesperson to his computer on the wall by the scruff of his jumper, pointing at the screen aggressively, to show me when they’ll be getting some sneakers in the colours I’m looking for in stock for me, in my size. Sorry, madam, but as you can see on the screen, you’ll have to wait until July. JULY? THAT’S MONTHS AWAY. THAT’S ILLEGAL IN MY WORLD. What I’d love to say, including the aforementioned shouty-sentence is : Well, SIR, in my world, there are such services and I quote you with examples such as Moda Operandi and Luisa Via Roma where they sell designer womenswear straight off the catwalk. What do you mean, madam? What I mean is, I WOULDN’T HAVE TO WAIT MONTHS TO BUY SOMETHING I WANT BECAUSE THEY SELL NEXT SEASONS CLOTHES NOW. Breathe, Victoria, breathe. And just like that, I stopped looking.


(Image via Pinterest)

Onto my next trainer-obsesssion. Isabel Marant Betty Lo-Top Sneakers. This one is over before it started, because unlike New Balance, which retail around £60 (the ones I’d like are this much), these babies are around £300. No need for any kind of justification such as CPW (cost-per-wear) because I cannot even entertain the pre-thought of the thought of spending this much on a pair of hi-fash trainers. No sir-ee-bob. eBay? Vestiare? Nope. Sorry. They go like hot potatoes or hot cakes or they get dropped it like its hot. No chance. Na-ah.

My face of defeat is my new mask. Or is it? Let’s get clever about this. Now, I’m not one to actively look for designer rip-offs however I was like a crazed Lady Macbeth when considering my trainer options so I googled ‘Isabel Marant Betty Copy’. Shock horror, I can’t believe I’m telling you all this. Anyway, someone in Australia had written all about a pair of Topshop trainers called ‘Aerobic’ (the irony is devastating since I believe there will be zero-tolerance to aerobic activity in these) which, in their opinion, were pretty similar to said designer pair, so I went to check them out. This particular model is no longer made, but version 2 is, however they just didn’t cut the mustard. This updated style was lacking the perforations, the hidden wedge was not hidden enough for my liking, plus I wanted them in white. The face of defeat got longer until I browsed the rest of the trainer choices and came across something else which made my day.


So I bought these instead.

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